“I don’t ask for much in a man. He only has to be tall, rich, funny, sexy, single, strong, goodlooking, smart, romantic, charming, warm, sweet, sensitive, clever, athletic, kind, generous, punctual, sincere, and of course he has to be willing to feed me ice cream in bed for the rest of my life…”
What do you do when you find a guy who makes you feel all of those wonderful lovey feelings, but has more check marks on the “Dealbreaker” list, than the “Perfect Guy” list?
Cognitive dissonance is the psychological term for “the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” (-Google)
Falling for someone you’re not suppposed to fall for can be super confusing, and extremely stressful. All of the odds may be against you. People will expect you to fail. Some people may even tory to interfere, and contribute to your failure. Don’t let them win. You know what makes you happy. Be happy.
So he doesn’t fit the “Perfect Guy” Checklist… I say, pitch it.
You may argue more, because you have more differences, but it’s probably worth it. Sure, we fight, a lot. We have different opinions on lots of things. But that’s fine by me. I want someone that I feel passionately enough about that I can argue with. Someone that I want to compromise with. Someone who can knock my ego down a peg when necessary, and build me up I need a reminder of how great I am. Differences of opinion are what keep things interesting in a relationship, so appreciate your differences and be nice to one another in your disputes.
You’re from different worlds. You have different way of solving problems. Different values and beliefs. A different outlook on life, on money, on happiness, on the definition of success. Differences can be a good thing. Another perpective on everything and everything is a bonus, not a disadvantage. Learn from one another and be open to seeing things from someone else’s perspective. You may learn something new about yourself. Like what you will or will not tolerate in a relationship. You may learn how you deserve to be treated.
The way he handles me is astounding. I ‘m a control freak. I mention something that bothers me. He makes a joke out of it, and instead of being frustrated, suddenly I’m laughing. We compliment one another. His strengths and my weaknesses balance each other out. When I’m angry, he calms me down. When he’s furious, I him back to sanity. Balance is a wonderful thing, and if you’re lucky enough to find someone who calms your body, mind and soul, who cares if he fits the bill for your dream guy checklist.
That being said, never settle. Accept that the guy you love may not meet all of the criteria on your checklist. If you can get past the dealbreakers, and he makes you happy, tear up your checklist and enjoy the ride.